女士们，先生们，有请埃隆·马斯克。

谢谢，谢谢。非常感谢。能够主持《周六夜现场》，我深感荣幸。我是认真的。有时候我说完一件事后，必须再说一句我是认真的，这样大家才真的知道我是认真的。这是因为我说话时并不总是有很多语调或变化，据说这非常适合喜剧。

实际上，作为第1个主持《周六夜现场》的阿斯伯格综合征患者，我正在创造“历史之夜”，或者至少是第1个承认这件事的人。所以今晚我不会和演职人员有太多眼神接触，但别担心，我很擅长以模拟模式运行人类。

首先，我想和大家分享我对未来的愿景。我相信一个使用可再生能源的未来。我相信人类必须成为一个多行星航天文明。这些目标听起来很令人兴奋，不是吗？

现在，我想如果我只是把那段话发到 Twitter 上，应该不会有事。

但我也会写些像“4:20 之后 69 天，又来了”这种东西。哈哈。

我不知道。我觉得这很好笑。所以我才在末尾写了“哈哈”。

听着，我知道自己有时会说或发布一些奇怪的东西，但我的大脑就是这样运作的。对于任何被我冒犯过的人，我只想说，我重新发明了电动汽车，而且正在用火箭飞船把人送往火星。

难道你们还以为我会是个淡定、正常的家伙吗？

很多时候，人们会被简化为他们做过的最蠢的一件事。比如有一次，我在乔·罗根的播客上抽了大麻。现在我总是听到别人说，埃隆·马斯克。他就只会在播客上抽大麻。说得好像我从一个播客跑到另一个播客，不停地点大麻烟卷。那只发生过一次。这就像把 O.J. 辛普森简化成杀人犯一样。

那只有一次。

有趣的事实。OJ 还在 79 年主持过这个节目，并于 96 年再次主持。两次都大获成功。

我一直喜欢《周六夜现场》的一个原因，是它确实是直播。很多人没有意识到，我们现在真的正在直播。这意味着我可以说一些真正令人震惊的话，比如我开普锐斯。

SLL 也是了解主持人新鲜一面的绝佳方式。例如，这是我儿子的名字。

它的发音是“猫从键盘上跑过去”。

人们还想知道另一件事：小时候是什么样的？答案是和现在差不多，只是更小。

不过我们也可以问问今晚来到现场的我母亲。

她的名字是 May。就像月份那个词，只不过末尾加了一个 e。

谢谢你拼出我的名字，埃隆。

妈妈，你还记得我 12 岁时创作了自己的电子游戏吗？它叫《Blastar》，讲的是一艘与外星人作战的宇宙飞船。

记得。我记得。他们付了你 500 美元，但你年纪太小，不能开银行账户，所以我不得不替你开一个。

没错。那个银行账户后来怎么样了？

那不重要。

你把那个关于太空的电子游戏变成了现实。

除非你认为我们的现实可能就是一款电子游戏，而我们全都只是由另一个计划中的某个青少年操控的计算机模拟。

太棒了，埃隆。

好了，祝你今晚演出成功。我非常爱你。

我也爱你，妈妈。

我很期待我的母亲节礼物。只希望不是狗狗币。

就是。

当然是。

我们准备了一个。好吧，今晚我们为大家准备了一场精彩的节目。麦莉·赛勒斯也来到了现场，所以请继续收看。我们马上回来。

Ladies and gentlemen, Elon Musk.

Thank you, thank you. Thank you very much. It's an honor to be hosting Saturday Night Live. I mean that. Sometimes after I say something, I have to say I mean that so people really know that I mean it. That's because I don't always have a lot of intonation or variation in how I speak, which I'm told makes for great comedy.

I'm actually making History night as the first person with Asperger's to host snl, Or at least the first to admit it. So I won't make a lot of eye contact with the cast tonight, but don't worry, I'm pretty good at running human in emulation mode.

I'd first like to share with you my vision for the future. I believe in a renewable energy future. I believe that humanity must become a multi planetary space faring civilization. Those seem like exciting goals, don't they?

Now, I think if I just posted that on Twitter, I'd be fine.

But I also write things like 69 days after 4:20 again. Ha ha.

I don't know. I thought it was funny. That's why I wrote haha at the end.

Look, I know I sometimes say or post strange things, but that's just how my brain works. To anyone I've offended, I just want to say I reinvented electric cars and I'm sending people to Mars in a rocket ship.

Did you think I was also going to be a chill, normal dude?

Now a lot of times people are reduced to the dumbest thing they ever did. Like one time I smoked weed on Joe Rogan's podcast. And now all the time I hear Elon Musk. All he ever does is smoke weed on podcasts. Like I go from podcast to podcast lighting up joints. It happened once. It's like reducing O.J. simpson to murderer.

That was one time.

Fun fact. OJ also hosted this show in 79 and again in 96. Killed both times.

One reason I've always loved SNL is because it's genuinely live. A lot of people don't realize that we're actually live right now. Which means I could say something truly shocking like I drive a Prius.

SLL is also a great way to learn something new about the host. For example, this is my son's name.

It's pronounced cat running across keyboard.

Another thing people want to know is, what was that like as a kid? The answer is pretty much the same as now, but smaller.

But we can also ask my mother who's here tonight.

Her name is May. Like the month, but with an e at the end.

Thanks for spelling my name, Elon.

Mom, do you remember when I was 12 and I created my own video game called Blastar about a spaceship that battles aliens?

I do. I remember. They paid you $500, but you were too young to open a bank account, so I had to open one for you.

That's right. Whatever happened to that bank account?

That's not important.

You turned that video game about space into reality.

Unless you consider that our reality might be a video game and we're all just computer simulations being played by a teenager in another plan.

That's great, Elon.

Well, break a leg tonight. I love you very much.

I love you, too, Mom.

And I'm excited for my Mother's Day gift. I just hope it's not dogecoin.

It is.

Sure is.

We've got a. Okay, we've got a great show for you tonight. Miley Cyrus is here, So stick around. We'll be right back.